Staff — Gunny’s Cafe, fictional Geronimo, Texas
Gunny’s Cafe • Geronimo, Texas • Floor Staff • Combat-Ready
The Staff
Shut Up & Eat It
“If you’re not bleeding or screaming, you’ve got time to serve.”
Personnel Roster
The Team
Lead Server
Staff Sergeant Jolene “Mama J” McAllister, USMC (Ret.)
- Former Marine MP. The only human allowed to shout back at Gunny without consequences.
- Wears a pearl necklace, hair in a tight bun, and carries a taser she calls “The Customer Service Wand.”
- Will not write your order down. She memorizes it. If you mess it up, she’ll correct you.
“This ain’t Hooters, sugar — it’s hostile territory. Sit down.”
Runner & Expediter
Lance “Pockets” Estrada
- Former Army mess specialist, discharged after “a heated spoon fight” in Germany.
- Runs plates like he’s dodging mortars — fast, sweaty, and shouting ETA times.
- Keeps six pens, a Sharpie, a cravat, and a pair of trauma shears in his apron.
- Known for yelling “INCOMING HOT GRITS!” every 4 minutes whether necessary or not.
Busser & Enforcer
Shirley “Ma Deuce” Ramirez
- 72 years old. Never served, never married, and never loses a table fight.
- Wears orthopedic boots and fingerless gloves.
- Drinks coffee through a metal straw. Bicep tattoo: Chesty Puller eating waffles.
- Tosses sugar packets like grenades. Clears tables with a vengeance.
- If you ask for ketchup, she just stares until you apologize.
Junior Server
Cody “Crayon” Billings
- Fresh out of GVFD FireBugger U. Got the nickname for taking a bite out of a red Expo marker on day one.
- Overeager, constantly sweaty, still learning what “Yes, Gunny” means.
- Wears a name tag that reads “Probationary Meat Shuttle.”
- Has his tables triple-checked by Mama J, who treats him like a misfiring sidearm.
Dish Pit Commander
Reggie “Stack’em” Chen
- Never speaks. Just nods, scowls, and stacks plates like he’s loading ammo crates.
- Allegedly part of a Navy mess hall in Yokosuka before “the incident.”
- Only listens to Creedence Clearwater Revival and motivational screaming from Gunny’s cassette tape.
- Keeps score of which customers finish their meals and which ones “broke.”
- If he likes you, your fork comes warm.
* * *
Dress Code
Uniform Policy
- Black combat boots, camo aprons, name tags with rank (real or assigned)
- Headgear banned inside unless it’s tactical or hilarious
- Every server carries a towel, pen, and at least one threatening condiment
Ongoing Training
Staff Rituals
- Weekly Scream Rehearsals — held in the back alley
- Monthly Table Flip Drills — weighted dummy trays, verbal abuse scenarios
- Annual Fork Toss Olympics — winner earns the right to yell “ORDERS UP, MAGGOTS” for one calendar month
“This team ain’t built on hugs and HR policies.
We serve hot food, cold looks, and truths
that’ll burn going down.
If you can’t hack it, Denny’s is hiring.”