Schitt Spirits — craft distillery on Geronimo Creek, fictional Geronimo, Texas
Geronimo, Texas • Banks of Geronimo Creek • A Converted Barn • All Copper, No Apologies
Spirits
This is good Schitt. For once.
Soju distilled the Texas way. Pomegranate vodka distilled the Schitt way.
You ain’t drunk ’til you’re full of Schitt.
Distiller & Proprietor
Kym Schitt-Kim
Kym went to South Korea on an 18-month gig as a Texas BBQ consultant to Korean BBQ chain Gangnam Grillz. She discovered soju 9 days in. She came back with a 5-year hangover, a husband (Kim Il-Dong), and a compelling desire to distill soju the Texas way.
During a visit to DC to see her Congressperson, Kym encountered an Armenian pomegranate vodka at a dinner off DuPont Circle. She decided to distill that spirit as well. The Schitt way.
Kym refuses to modernize. The distillery runs on nothing but the finest copper — scraps sourced from her cousin Robyn’s company, Schitt HVAC — and whatever Kym decides is worth doing that day.
Kim Il-Dong serves as both Quality Assurance and Quality Control, and makes sure the soju reminds him of home and why he left.
Origin of the Copper
How Kym Got Her Pot
Kym’s largest copper pot was won in a campfire bet with a hillbilly from Logan County, West Virginia, who made the mistake of betting her he could drink anything she could produce in a bottle. She handed him a bottle of small-batch soju sweetened with Satan’s Taint™ from The Flaming Bunghole Hot Sauce Co.
Nobody is sure if he belched or farted, but they all agree on one thing: he was too damn close to the fire. Flames shot out of his nostrils and nether region. He keeled over mumbling something about seeing the devil before he passed out. His kinfolk loaded the pot into Silas “Yeller” Kincaid’s truck, and Silas took it and his band, The Ugly Pluckers, to Geronimo.
The pot has been in continuous use since.
The Spirits
What We Make & What It Does to You
Korean Kickapoo JoyJoos
Small-Batch Soju • Local Milo, Malted Corn & Barley • Handle With IntentionDistilled from local milo and malted corn and barley. Test batches caused both poetic epiphanies and clothing-optional tractor races. Kim Il-Dong approves of the finish. Kym approves of the finish line.
Gag’em Pomegranate Vodka
Craft Vodka • ‘Nade Patch Pomegranates • Sweet Potato & Milo BasePomegranates sourced exclusively from Jack Schitt’s ‘Nade Patch. Distilled from locally grown sweet potatoes and milo. Smooth enough to be sociable. Strong enough to be a problem. Featured in the 5150 cocktail at The Cocke and Bull.
Community Testimony
Field Reports
Bought a bottle of Korean Kickapoo JoyJoos. Once. When he came to three days later, he was buck naked and kayaking through a Christian camp on the banks of Geronimo Creek. Won’t touch the soju anymore. Does permit himself a few 5150 cocktails made with Gag’em at The Cocke and Bull.
— GunnyPlies her dates with Korean Kickapoo JoyJoos. They pass out before she has to put — well. She gets dinner and a movie. They get a story they can’t remember.
— Jolinda GrabowskaPrefers spirits of a different sort entirely. Is convinced Kym’s creations are the work of a villainous vixen.
— M, Buy CuriosYou ain’t drunk
’til you’re full of Schitt.