Flaming Bunghole Hot Sauce Co. — fictional Geronimo, Texas
Geronimo, Texas • Small Batch • Bottled Fury • No Refunds
Bunghole
Hot Sauce Co.
You’ll Cry. You’ll Sweat. You’ll See God. Briefly.
Proudly made in Geronimo, Texas.
Hand-picked. Small-batch. Unforgivably spicy.
Not for tourists. Not for anyone who’s loved their intestines.
Founder
Gideon “FartBox” LeClerc
Cajun-Texan hybrid. Ex-gator wrestler. Former fireworks smuggler turned spice shaman. After losing all feeling in his mouth during a pepper-eating contest judged by M, Gideon had an epiphany: “If I can’t taste anything… might as well make the rest of me pay for it.”
Legend says the first batch was brewed during a heatwave using chiltepins grown on ground scorched by lightning behind the Greasy Teat Bar & Grille. He didn’t flinch. He bottled it. He branded it. He burped once and scorched the hair off the family dog.
He distilled pure chiltepin extract, blessed it with a Catholic priest who didn’t read the fine print, and bottled the result in recycled communion flasks. Thus was born Satan’s Taint.
“I wanted a sauce that made people
pray harder than the meal grace.”
Heat Level Chart
Know What You’re Getting Into
The Lineup
Current Sauces
Holy Sheet!
Heat: Granny’s Gumbo • MildA mild version for the weak-willed and Canadian tourists.
The Flaming Rim™
Heat: Texas Tingle • MediumCinnamon-habanero dessert sauce that turns Tres Leches into PTSD.
Third Degree Burn™
Heat: Texas Tingle • MediumSmoked chipotle and mustard blend. Made for hot wings and old enemies.
Red Eye Reaper
Heat: Bunghole Blaze • HotA Carolina Reaper mash so thick it counts as a solid.
Satan’s Taint™ Chiltepin Sauce
Heat: Satan’s Hooves • Extreme • “From the Blistered Depths of Flavor”Chiltepins, garlic, lime, vinegar, and a decision you can’t undo.
- Primary burn: Scorching chiltepin heat that punches you in the pancreas
- Mid-notes: Hints of roasted garlic, smoked despair, and lime-acid regrets
- Aftershock: Lingering tongue buzz, immediate need to apologize to your colon
Satan’s Taint™: Infernal Reserve
Heat: Satan’s Hooves • Limited Annual ReleaseDouble-aged chiltepin concentrate. Peppers smoked in mesquite and regret. Bottled in miniature gasoline cans.
- Each bottle numbered and sealed with scorched beeswax
- Includes legal waiver signed by Dr. Ima Vasquez-Schitt, MD
- Includes toilet paper sample and a rosary
The Devil’s FartBox™
Heat: Satan’s Hooves • Extreme • “Because Satan’s Taint Was Too Subtle”Fermented ghost pepper & habanero mash with scorched agave. Glass bottle sealed with guilt.
Community Reactions
Field Reports
Uses Satan’s Taint as paint stripper and interrogation tool.
— Gunny, Gunny’s CafeBanned The Flaming Rim after the lap dance fire incident in ’21.
— Texas T’sSells Red Eye Reaper as an “elixir for inner awakening.” Not recommended.
— M, Buy CuriosPuts a drop of The Devil’s FartBox in the “Boogie Bacon Mojito” for regulars who’ve pissed off the bartender.
— Disco PigsDrinks Satan’s Taint: Infernal Reserve like mouthwash before job interviews and street fights.
— Jolinda Grabowska